Introducing
Our Amazing!
Absolut Spittle Wash™
No other cleaner on the market has the same features
 as Absolut Spittle Wash™
Absolut Spittle wash is the only spittle cleaner available, superior to all other spittle cleaners.

NOW available to the public. Dealer enquiries welcome!
 

 

Our amazing product is not only the best spittle cleaning agent available...
It's a multi-use product!

  • Completely sanitizes as it cleans

  • Non toxic (in reasonable quantities)

  • Environmentally friendly

  • Comfortably warming

  • Use As A Sleep Aid

  • Drinkable!
    That's right - You can drink this stuff!

  • Available in regular, raspberry and peppy pepper

Coming SOON! 
(From the makers of Absolut Spittle wash)
Budget Smir Off™ spittle cleaner & Button Guard™  Keypad Sealer

FREE! (Limited time only)
With a $500 order of Absolut Spittle wash get your free stainless steel spray bottle and flask set.
A $900.00 value! 

 

See what the Barclays have to say about our AMAZING product.
The nations #1 spittle cleaner, they have been our biggest customer for many years!

"We love your spittle wash. We could not have run our business without it! Our competitors were constantly offering far superior products at lower prices but we would just sit around drinking your spittle wash coming up with great new advertising ideas.  Even after we had lost our wives and our homes, our large stock of Absolut Spittle Wash is what kept us going. Unfortunately we now have to settle for Boone's or Pabst Blue Ribbon most of the time but we will always hold your product to the highest regards. P.S. Do you have any job openings? And would we get free Spittle Wash? Best regards C & R Barclay"

For thousands of years people have been trying to make cheap copy-cat versions of our Absolut Spittle Wash™. In fact, cheap knock-off products have been available through the Russian black market for generations. We are the only manufacturer of Spittle Wash authorized by the FDA and the FCC. Don't let anyone try to sell you Spittle Wash in mason jars! These are nothing but manufacturer rejects and will certainly be one of two things, both bad: They will be too weak to prevent the shakes or far too strong and will burn a hole in your stomach.

WARNING: Drinking Absolut Spittle Wash™ may create more spittle! Do not consume near telephone equipment.  Please allow at least 8 hours before driving motor vehicles or operating heavy machinery after consuming Absolut Spittle Wash™. The surgeon general warns that drinking too much Absolut Spittle Wash™ can lead to serious health risks such as permanent liver and brain damage. Please wash responsibly!

 

Coming Soon! Look for these amazing products in the second quarter of 2008.

Smir Off™ Budget Spittle Cleaner

Formulated for the cheapskate! Now you can afford to clean spittle off your valuable electronics even if you own a pack of St. Bernards!

And just like our Absolut Spittle Wash™ you can actually drink this stuff!
Button Guard™ Spray

Stop that annoying "environmental gunk" from wrecking your whole day! One quick spray of our amazing Button Guard™ will block keypad goo for up to 2 years! Never be surprised again by embarrassing wet spots under your keypad.

What's up guys? haven't heard from you in a while.....