For immediate release.....

Dated 4-08-08
Due to the bad publicity of Absolut Vodka's recent ad campaign we have decided to immediately discontinue the sale of our Absolut Spittle Wash due to consumer's confusing of the two products. We wish to distance ourselves from this poor decision. We have a strict policy of truthful advertising and do not want to take the risk of our customers loosing confidence in our ad practices.

We have moved up the release date of our improved Smir Off Spittle Cleaner and encourage you to consider this new product to satisfy your spittle cleaning requirements.

Smir Off^®
The Original Spittle Cleaner!

Formulated with space age synthetics!
Same great ingredients as our older Absolut Spittle Wash
But with a new pizzazz for an improved experience!
You'll never want to drink your sour grape beverage again!

Not invented here!
Time tested to satisfy! Used for hundreds of years by the hardiest of humankind.

You can only find The Original Smir Off^® here!

Need more than the average buzz?
Also available!
Perma-Haze^©

For when you never want to deal with the pressures of society again....
Just install our original Smir Off^® in our space age flask...
Don't be confused by the different name, it simply clarifies your experience!

 

WARNING: Drinking Smir Off^® or Perma-Haze^© may create more spittle! Do not consume near telephone equipment.  Please allow at least 8 hours before driving motor vehicles or operating heavy machinery after consuming Smir Off^® or Perma-Haze^©. The surgeon general warns that drinking too much Smir Off^® or Perma-Haze^©  can lead to serious health risks such as permanent liver and brain damage. Please wash responsibly!